Orin Is My Rainbow Baby - My Miscarriage Story
Trigger Warning: Miscarriage
This is another story time, that I haven't shared yet. This one wasn't that difficult to admit to myself, but more that I didn't feel like my story was worth being shared...
I didn't even know I was pregnant. I never had a positive pregnancy test.. I never even took one.
I was on birth control!
It was a Friday in early November of 2015. It was one of the Fridays that I would have a date with my Mama after work to get our nails done and happy hour. Right around lunchtime that day, I had awful cramping. Like, the first time you get your period/horrible diarrhea cramping pain. I met Zac for lunch like I always did back then, and almost threw up in line at Chipoltle from the pain.
A little history: Endometriosis runs in my family, and I have always had really painful periods.. I just chalked it up to that or another stomach bug that had been going around.
When I went to meet my mom that evening, things got so much worse. We went for drinks and happy hour at LoDo's. I was completely doubled over in pain. Got my nails done, went home and waited for Zac to get home. The next day, we had plans to go to Denver with some friends for pizza and a show at Comedy Works. I still felt off for the rest of the weekend, but then I got to thinking.
My period was late. I was feeling more moody lately. The pain was the worst cramping I had ever had... then I got my period. And with it, was a strange clot-like thing in the toilet. Being in the medical field, growing up with my nurse for a mom, curiosity got to me. After some hands on investigation, I quickly realized that this was not a normal blood clot. I took some pictures, and sent those along with a detailed description to my mom. She discussed it with the doctor that was on call with her that night and we all came to the same conclusion: I was going through a miscarriage.
Here came the roller coaster of emotions and thoughts. "OMG I was pregnant!" "OMG, I WAS pregnant.."
I was on birth control.I had been on it for a year and a half at that point. I had no thought that I could have been pregnant. Heck, even the vlog I put up that week, I talked about feeling nauseous and "off" but told everyone I wasn't pregnant... because that wasn't a thought in my mind.
I was sad, because that was a sad situation. I was happy, because I was in no place to be pregnant or have a baby at that time. (not that anyone is ever REALLY ready for parenthood) I knew that it was going to take me a little bit of time to process all of this.
I talked about all of this in that vlog, but hadn't told anyone outside of my husband and my mom. I didn't feel like my story belonged with all these other heartbreaking stories of loss, because I didn't even know. I hadn't been trying.
But something recently has been pulling at my heart, asking me to share my story. To the point that I cannot come up with any other post ideas, despite having a notebook FULL of them And today, there have been SO many signs pointing me to post it. So, here we are. Orin Malachi is my rainbow baby.
I am sharing my story, with the hope that it will help another Mama not feel so lost, or alone. I hope another woman doesn't have to feel that her experience doesn't matter, just because it wasn't like other women's. YOUR STORY MATTERS. YOUR ANGEL BABY MATTERS.
I hope you gained some insight, and felt some comfort or healing from reading this; as I have from finally writing it down.
Until the next adventure,
-Marcie
💗
A little history: Endometriosis runs in my family, and I have always had really painful periods.. I just chalked it up to that or another stomach bug that had been going around.
When I went to meet my mom that evening, things got so much worse. We went for drinks and happy hour at LoDo's. I was completely doubled over in pain. Got my nails done, went home and waited for Zac to get home. The next day, we had plans to go to Denver with some friends for pizza and a show at Comedy Works. I still felt off for the rest of the weekend, but then I got to thinking.
My period was late. I was feeling more moody lately. The pain was the worst cramping I had ever had... then I got my period. And with it, was a strange clot-like thing in the toilet. Being in the medical field, growing up with my nurse for a mom, curiosity got to me. After some hands on investigation, I quickly realized that this was not a normal blood clot. I took some pictures, and sent those along with a detailed description to my mom. She discussed it with the doctor that was on call with her that night and we all came to the same conclusion: I was going through a miscarriage.
Here came the roller coaster of emotions and thoughts. "OMG I was pregnant!" "OMG, I WAS pregnant.."
I was on birth control.I had been on it for a year and a half at that point. I had no thought that I could have been pregnant. Heck, even the vlog I put up that week, I talked about feeling nauseous and "off" but told everyone I wasn't pregnant... because that wasn't a thought in my mind.
I was sad, because that was a sad situation. I was happy, because I was in no place to be pregnant or have a baby at that time. (not that anyone is ever REALLY ready for parenthood) I knew that it was going to take me a little bit of time to process all of this.
I talked about all of this in that vlog, but hadn't told anyone outside of my husband and my mom. I didn't feel like my story belonged with all these other heartbreaking stories of loss, because I didn't even know. I hadn't been trying.
But something recently has been pulling at my heart, asking me to share my story. To the point that I cannot come up with any other post ideas, despite having a notebook FULL of them And today, there have been SO many signs pointing me to post it. So, here we are. Orin Malachi is my rainbow baby.
I am sharing my story, with the hope that it will help another Mama not feel so lost, or alone. I hope another woman doesn't have to feel that her experience doesn't matter, just because it wasn't like other women's. YOUR STORY MATTERS. YOUR ANGEL BABY MATTERS.
I hope you gained some insight, and felt some comfort or healing from reading this; as I have from finally writing it down.
Until the next adventure,
-Marcie
💗
